at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They took my balls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Two words: blizzard sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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