i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
