Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
