Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
