just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
