At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
