He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
