I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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