Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
