i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
