I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
