when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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