i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.