stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.