This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
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Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.