Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
