May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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