wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
