I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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