I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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