you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
