I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
