my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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