He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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