You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im part way to drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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