Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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