I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
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He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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