Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
vagina is talking i cant
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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