just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
bring money and cleavage
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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