Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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