"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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