We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
50% drunk capacity currently
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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