We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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