I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize