Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
