I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I need to stop coming to work sober
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
