i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.