Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
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I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.