my sisters under your porch take her home
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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