Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...