Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.