you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
