It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
