Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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