areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
