You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
