Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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