I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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