my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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