I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
