The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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