I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize