Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i now understand why vodka
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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