i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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