Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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