people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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