somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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