You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
