I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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