so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
