shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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