that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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