Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
