I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
