Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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