so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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