True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
