I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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