Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
