Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
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