I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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