I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just puked most of my soul out..
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