Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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