can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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