this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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