After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
